I want to let you straight people in on a little secret. These books are what conservatives like to call “the gay agenda”.
Every single person in the LGBT community owns one of these. Every day, we look at the calendars and write down (with our glittery gel pens) exactly what gay activities we will do that day. There is also a section in the gay agenda where we write down ideas on how we can contribute to making the world more gay.
Lately, conservative homophobes have been on to us. They are now aware that we are pushing our gay agendas on to children. They are correct. It started off small, making kindergarten carpets multicolored. And then we became more bold when we created “Reading Rainbow”. Barely anyone noticed Bert and Ernie’s partnership, and children love Bert and Ernie. Every young child has played with glitter, not even realizing that it is plagued with magic gay molecules that will turn the child into a homosexual if it is inhaled.
Now that the homophobes have discovered our gay agendas, it is for my safety that, as a bisexual myself, this will be my last entry. Go Forth, my fellow gays, and push these agendas so far up the homophobe’s asses that you hit their prostate and make them scream in pleasure. But always be mindful to think of the children. Keep them as far away from homophobes as possible. They don’t deserve to grow up hateful like the generation before them. And always, always, remember to pray to our goddess, Ellen Degeneres.